Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

December 2, 2007

A couple of years ago a story was made public about a crime that happened a dozen years before.

During the course of his AA program, a man apologized to a woman he had raped in college. The woman took his letter to the police and the man was prosecuted and convicted. In the interview I read (probably in People magazine..the salon favorite!) the woman said that she had been living in pain and depression ever since the incident. While she was married and had a children, there was no joy in her life. She wanted the man to pay for what he had done to her.

You may have strong opinions about this, but as someone who was raped, I believe I have a unique perspective.

First: I will ask you to notice that I never refer to myself as a rape victim. I don’t allow this one event to dictate who I am and how I define myself. It was along time ago and many other things in my life have been far more impactful in my human development.

Second: I tried hating him. It didn’t help me and it didn’t hurt him, so what was the point? (I learned that hatred only hurts the one doing the hating. It eats at you and gets in the way of living a full and joyful life. Allowing yourself to hate is self-indulgent and self-destructive.)

Third: Forgiving him allowed me to move on and put the event into its proper historical perspective. I don’t repress the memory, but neither do I dwell on it. It is a chapter of my story, but it is not the whole biography.

I feel sorry for both that man who tried to make amends and for the woman who can’t forgive. It sucks to have something that happened one night in college ruin your entire life. We have all been young and stupid, but the hope is that we learn and grow and move on.

If you have ignored my advice about forgiveness because I am a hairdresser and not a Ph.D., perhaps this info from the Mayo Clinic will persuade you:

(In the future, it would be easier if you just believed me from the start. I am looking out for you!)


Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Photo of Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance. But when you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.What is forgiveness?

There’s no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Doesn’t forgiving someone mean you’re forgetting or condoning what happened?

Absolutely not! Forgiving isn’t the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

  • Lower blood pressure
  • Stress reduction
  • Less hostility
  • Better anger management skills
  • Lower heart rate
  • Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
  • Fewer depression symptoms
  • Fewer anxiety symptoms
  • Reduction in chronic pain
  • More friendships
  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater religious or spiritual well-being
  • Improved psychological well-being

Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?

The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we’re hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it’s a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts. When you experience hurt or harm from someone’s actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it’s someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don’t deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times. Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It’s very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.

How do I know it’s time to try to embrace forgiveness?

When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we’re unforgiving, it’s we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can’t enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:

  • Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
  • Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you’re wallowing in self-pity
  • Being avoided by family and friends because they don’t enjoy being around you
  • Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
  • Often feeling misunderstood
  • Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
  • Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
  • Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
  • Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
  • Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
  • Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
  • Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs

The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives. Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we’ll no longer define our lives by how we’ve been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.

What happens if I can’t forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn’t admit wrong or doesn’t speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you’ve found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend. It may also be helpful to reflect on times you’ve hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn’t. On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you’ve reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven’t reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.

So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It’s important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don’t want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you. Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it’ll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

How do I know when I’ve truly forgiven someone?

Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as “I forgive you” or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace. Also, remember that forgiveness often isn’t a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you’ve committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you’ve done to those you’ve harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses. But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don’t do it — it’s not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don’t want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can’t force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.

In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don’t make you worthless or bad. Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren’t perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.

Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.


Web Resources

By Mayo Clinic Staff

Nov 21, 2007


39 Responses to “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

  1. Events only have as much meaning as you give them. I remember a story from when I was much younger about how Chinese soldiers raped Tibetan nuns…with branding irons.

    Talk about perspective.

  2. […] have talked before about the scientific evidence of how forgiveness benefits your health.  If that didn’t do it for you, perhaps you need a more esoteric […]

  3. Ron Says:

    Wow, this is a very powerful post. Thank you for publishing it.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Some people can get incredibly petty. Women where I work are capable of holding grudges forever for the pettiest “infractions”. With grudge holders you must be pergect while they can be anything but.

    A friendship is like a skyscraper made of crystal on a fault line. It’s difficult to build but easy to knock down and can come down through no fault of your own.

    The recipient of the grudge actually IS hurt, at least with losing trust in others for any future friendship.

  5. Aura Mae Says:

    @Anonymous: I am sorry you work with miserable people. That must really suck.

  6. Carl Blue Says:

    There is a quality called “human evil,” and protection from this quality in others is beneficial, but protection of myself from acquiring this insidious defect means that I reach a decision that living a life of love is the one way to live a happy, fulfilling life. A life of love is anything but Polyannaism either. Freedom from hatred, bitterness, and anger makes a happy life possible. True,there may be people who enjoy being evil, but that’s because anger can be like an addictive drug. But, like all harmful drugs sooner or later later it kills its practioners. Moreover, love attracts the love, and evil begets evil. To love someone who is not very loveable is a task worth attempting, sometimes requiring supernatural help. However, all things are possible for those who believe in making the attempt.

  7. Angela Says:

    hello again!
    Thanks so much for your response 🙂

    He lived in Tacoma for 3 years for the military- he was working for WADS in Tacoma (air defence- canada and the US work together to protect our airspace). We are both from Ottawa, and currently live in North Bay (north-west of Ottawa- really, it is in the middle of nowhere!)He works for NORAD (which the Canadian version of WADS). we are hoping to go back to Tacoma. We met in Grade 8 but found each other again 22 years later through Facebook- when we both weren’t looking 😉 It is pretty sweet. I am very grateful. It has been a long hard struggle to get here. I am enjoying every second of it 🙂

  8. Chris Says:

    Forgive us our sins AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST US! Implication is no forgiveness to others will result in no forgiveness from God!

    Who is God?

    What is gravity?

    it will affect you whether you are aware of it or not (i.e. gravity), whether you believe it or not!! Whether you understand it or not! whether you like it or not! Proven or not!

    Same with Spiritual/Godly issues! So forgive completely and see what your life will be like! forgive and forget!

  9. Chris Says:

    “Father forgive them as they do not know what they are doing”! Powerful! Jesus Christ asked God to forgive some people which means He (JC) had forgiven them already!!

    Who is Jesus?

    To you:

    He is the one behind today’s date!?

    He is behind Christmas?

    He is behind Easter? And He rose from the dead?

    He fulfilled scripture/prophets!

    He is God on Earth?

    He is alive!!!!!

    He never wrote a book and many books are written of Him!?

    Believe Him or perish!!

  10. Chris Says:

    Love your neighbour as yourself!!

  11. benjy Says:

    thanks for this….
    Its upsetting to know that some people go through life not being really “hurt” as I am hurt, and it took all these random things to work together for me to get screwed over and I’ll just say it makes every wrong done to me in my life before seem like a drop of water in a lake…you think “why me”
    …but at least there is some possibilities of dealing after reading this

  12. Barb Says:

    I have been holding a grudge for a year against a guy who is still at my workplace. He harassed me 4 times and the proper steps in my eyes were not taken. Since holding this grudge, our job decided they finally needed an employee handbook, and in this book is outlines of harassment. To continue to work there we are to sign the paper in the back of this handbook. I refused because I felt the proper steps weren’t taken against the person that harassed me. That just set the Supvr. on fire. She called me into her office and reamed me. I have a choice, either I forgive and move on or I hit the road! It’s hard when someone gets by with something like this, hurting me and then is allowed to keep their job! I will have to try real hard to accept their decision and keep my job without the possibility of retaliation as far as “getting all my work done” and they don’t cause me more work because they are so ticked at me!

    • Aura Mae Says:

      I hope you are able to make peace with this soon. It will be a burden lifted when you do. I will be holding you in my thoughts. 🙂

    • ginni Says:

      Forgiveness is about you, not the person who treated you unfairly. It’s about relieving yourself of the anger and resentment that prevents you from functioning adequately at work. It does not mean you accept or condone his actions. You can only change yourself…your attitude/behavior.

  13. lilly Says:

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one year who constantly lied to me during our relationship.
    I value honesty very much. However, I had fallen in love after 11 years again and I was very attacted to him. Also as I am a teacher, I always feel people can improve and change for the better so I devoted my life to trying to improve him expecting honesty.
    I soon realized we were playing police and the thief!
    Living in paranoid, not being appreciated as a woman, being lied to and feeling cheated on felt horrible and he blamed for being jealous and insecure even though there was physical evidence that showed he hid things from me especially related to women. Though I am an assertive, confident, pretty woman I just couldn’t break up with him…. That was the level of my attraction or committment.
    He was a sex addict getting on live porn chat rooms seeing naked women. I found a church group for him to attend to get over it. He promised he would stop. I later realized he did not. He actually tried to open the site in front of me when I did not want to have sex with him as he was being rude to me. When I got offended, he said it was ok, these people were just on the screen!
    Finally, I learned a few things. I asked to be with him on Thanksgiving (I have no family here and he was my family in US up until now)and he said he was going to be home all by himself and rest. I didn’t believe in him. He had grown close to a woman neighbor I believe mostly for benefits and whenver they went out he hid it from me.He then said “you’re jealous, didn’t want to tell you”. It’s true. I am jealous but he made me crazy with his lies. It turns out before Christmas he did go to his neighbor’s brother’s house with the neighbor. When I confronted the neigbor asking if she was interesting in him, the neighbor got angry and left and my ex threw me out of his house right before Christmas on a cold day as she got offended. Then went to the neigborhood’s parents house for Christmas later, never called me.
    After 10 days, he tried to contact me many times and I ignored him. I talked to him once and he was still so protective of his neighbor treating his girlfriend as an enemy that I got mad and wrote him a farewell letter next day. He never called me since.
    I am really very hurt, confused, angry and just can’t understand why he acted the way he did. He could have broken up with me, I was a long distance relationship anyways. Why keep me and lie to me? Was he cheating on me with this neighbor? He says they are friends but I don’t trust a word he says..
    His Mom sent me a friendly note the other day just sending some pictures of my country.We had a good relationship and they so wanted me to be with their son in the past. I don’t know why she did it.
    I have so much grudge inside and I want to write a letter to the mom complaining about the son. I feel she has a right to know who he is.He had no right to do what he’s done to me. I also don’t want him to exploit his family financially and if she knows what I have to tell her maybe it’ll be better.
    I feel he used me but he shouldn’t use other people.
    Sometimes I feel I should write to her and sometimes I stop myself thinking this may be wrong and I don’t want the poor mother to get upset.
    What do you think?

    • Aura Mae Says:


      I understand that you are hurt and that you honestly want to keep others form also being hurt, but I think the best thing for you is to step away from this entire situation. It is unlikely that anything you say to his mother will change things for the better. Either she knows exactly what kind of person he is and loves him anyway because she is his mother, or she thinks he is lovely and may not believe you if you try to tell her otherwise.

      Some people are not honest. It is something that an honest personal will always struggle to understand. There is no rational reason for why he would cheat, why he didn’t break up earlier, or why he is painting you as the villain. Be glad you are rid of him and make living well your new project. It truly is the best revenge.

      Best wishes for a peaceful life. 🙂

  14. […] Diana also recognizes, forgiveness is critical to one's own self-interest. Scientific evidence is mounting that bitterness results in long-term health problems; while forgiveness offers numerous benefits, […]

  15. […] Diana also recognizes, forgiveness is critical to one's own self-interest. Scientific evidence is mounting that bitterness results in long-term health problems; while forgiveness offers numerous […]

  16. […] Diana also recognizes, forgiveness is critical to one’s own self-interest. Scientific evidence is mounting that bitterness results in long-term health problems; while forgiveness offers numerous […]

  17. […] “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” […]

  18. Yvonne Moss Says:

    I seem to help many deal with their past. I loved reading this post. Didn’t need to bother with the Mayo Clinic read. I include much of that info in my teaching on forgiveness. And no, I’m not a therapist. I’m a pastor’s wife who also works as a makeup artist and photographer. I couldn’t agree more with what you wrote. I, too have been raped. No once. But too many to count over 5 yrs with molestation starting 5 yrs before that. I contemplated murder. My faith helped me move from that to forgive. I can’t imagine how my life would have gone had I not forgiven. Jail cells are filled with people who are frozen with hate.
    Don’t let your hair stylin profession rob you from what you KNOW you are also called to do! Help people deal…
    If they let a blow dryer, flat iron and scissors keep them from receiving what you have to offer, too bad for them. They are the ones loosing out.

    Here’s a little bit about me should you want to look…

  19. naz Says:

    Excellent article. I really need this in my life and I love the aption the most!!

  20. naz Says:

    I meant ‘caption’

    • Yvonne Moss Says:

      Forgiveness is quite separate from paying for a crime. We, of course don’t know if that woman forgave him, but she did have the right to have him arrested. That is a risk he took when he wrote the letter to make things right. If you read the story of The Son of Sam who went to prison for the murders he committed, he says that he doesn’t believe that he should ever go free. That he should pay and serve out his entire sentence. He has though become a Christian and asked forgiveness of the families he destroyed. He also knew that some might never forgive him though he knew he had to ask. He also knows he doesn’t deserve mercy. He helps many people around the world from what I hear, just living his life in jail paying for what he says many have forgiven him for. Forgiveness doesn’t let the bad guy go free or get away with it. That person still has to answer to a higher call. It can, however free the relationship between two angry hearts. In the case of the story you told, I wonder if the woman did forgive him. Sadly, if she thinks having him go to jail will fix her angry heart, it won’t. She still might be angry and miserable and therefore, she is robbed of joy in her life. He, I’m guessing is more at peace in jail than she is if she’s still holding a grudge.

      • Terence Says:

        Here is another catch. I understand that people have to get angry from time to time, but it would really be terrible to have a person die in unforgiveness. I mean, think about the guy who did the crime, but yet he tried to change, and the other person who chose not to forgive ended up bitter for the rest of his or her life. Then when judgement day comes, the person who was once in deep sin is admitted to heaven, while the other loses his/her chance because of unforgiveness. Well, I had a friend like that too though he was a gossiper. I apologized for an altercation two years ago we had, but he chose to blame shift me and put himself high above me. In other words, he was very prideful. I don’t know if he will ever apologize to me, but I don’t want anything to do with him and I am letting the lord do his thing for this ex-friend. The thoughts come up sometimes and I do get a little angry that he stepped on me rather than being a man and let it go. But I do thank the lord for putting family and other ‘better’ friends in my life. Not to gossip myself but everytime I hear things about this ex friend, its nothing but negative things about him. I guess this is a sign from the lord to stay away from him. I’m still working on forgiveness from time to time, but I thank the Lord he’s working with me on it.

      • Yvonne Moss Says:

        You made a great observation when you talked about the person who sinned against someone else receiving redemption and the person harboring hate, not. Society often does not think about the returned hate towards someone evil as just as wrong as the orginal crime! Consider the Casey Anthony case. She must live in hiding and has had her life threatened. People HATE her. While she may have gotten off got off scot-free, it’s rather INSANE that people would consider committing the SAME crime of murder against her that they have judged her.
        But back to the story you started with, the man who confessed to a crime against someone will be free in his heart while the woman her abused will not. I hope that she sees that she must let go and forgive one day.
        And a bit of backround about me. I was raped for years by my father. I forgave him and didn’t come public with my story till he died and until I told my mother and grown children. I mourned him when he passed suddenly and know in my heart that I honored him for the role he had. I couldn’t admire him, but I could respect him. And no, I never trusted him. I protected my children, who were never alone with him for even a minute. I can sleep at night because I know my heart is clean towards my rapist. And I’m very vocal about this subject. In his death, I no longer care to protect his reputation. He never asked for forgiveness. Had he, I might not even be so public with my story.

  21. Huh, he committed a crime, and apparently thought he got away with it. She finally had proof, she did what most normal people would do, take the evidence to the police. Are you really going to judge her for that? Just like lawyers for the defense, are you going to re-victimize this person?

    Making sure he faced justice does not imply any wrong doing on this woman’s part at all. Sin has consequences. You can forgive a person, and still do what is right before the law, by telling the proper authorities what you know. Just because he is in a 12-step program and has arrived at the “making amends” step does not mean he will never hurt another woman, nor is it a given that this woman was the only one he ever victimized. And, if he is truly “making amends,” he will answer for his crimes, not just expect that writing a letter will take care of it.

    In the comments I saw someone actually used the word “petty.” I seriously hope you were not thinking of this woman when you wrote that. She needs compassionate and QUALIFIED help to overcome the damage of being raped, not a bunch of arm-chair psychologists speaking platitudes about forgiveness. True forgiveness requires someone to come to the point when they can actually pray blessing over the wrongdoer. This process can take time, and in extreme situations like rape and other violent crimes, a person really needs help to get there. And once they arrive at the place where they can begin to forgive, that does not mean that the perpetrator does not still have to pay for their crimes.

    Maybe the originator of this blog post didn’t think through their choice of antidote very well, but I certainly hope that the comments that followed were not what you were going for. If you wanted to illustrate the quote, why not choose a situation in your own life, instead of tearing into someone else’s. Wanting someone to face justice for violating you is not “holding a grudge,” it is a normal expectation. As someone who has experienced sexual assault, I understand that sometimes we feel frozen, paralyzed, and struggle to even seek help until something breaks loose. Knowing that the person who raped her has been dealt with by the justice system, will hopefully enable this woman to benefit more fully from whatever help she has access to.

  22. Despair Says:

    I can understand this article in a way…but what if the person won’t stop abusing you and the law won’t stop them from abusing you? Am I still meant to just keep forgiving them and putting up with the abuse? What if you can’t get away from them either because you are bound by a federal court order for another 9 years? Not all people have the choice to avoid the offender.
    Even if I manage to somehow distance myself emotionally, I still end up with a massive list of health problems, and some. Prolonged PTSD also leads to physical illnesses, such as chronic pancreatitis. I now have this even though I am not a drinker or smoker.
    All this and I don’t even hold a grudge. I just want the offender to stop.

  23. I every time spent my half an hour to read this weblog’s articles everyday along with a mug of coffee.

  24. Jerrod Says:

    Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post plus
    the rest of the website is also really good.

  25. john hazy Says:

    hey?this is john and i had done sth to offend a friend of mine and till now she is still holding grudges against me despite the many apology letters sent to her and i wonder what to do next.Please help

  26. john hazy Says:

    hey?this is john.I am a student insecondary schhol.I am in form three and i had done sth to offend a friend of mine and till now she is still holding grudges against me despite the many apology letters sent to her and i wonder what to do next.Please help
    But i also want to thank u for ur inspiration

    • Aura Mae Says:

      John, you may never be able to convince some people of your sincerity. Forgive yourself for the error and forgive them for remaining angry, then just do your best to live an authentic life so that others know you to be of honor. And remember that what can seem like a giant issue when you are young can mean nothing with time.

  27. john hazy Says:

    thanx 4 the post

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