Friends, dating and the pursuit of happiness

October 19, 2007

An interesting topic came up in the salon yesterday when a client told us she was having a crisis of conscience.  I’ll tell you her story and my opinion (surprise!) and you can tell me if you think I am way off base.

Her Story:

She is feeling attracted to the former boyfriend of a good friend of hers.  It has been more than a year since they split, and they were together for a number if years.  The friend is seeing someone else.  The client is single.  She hesitates to explore a relationship with this guy because she might hurt the friend’s feelings.

My Opinion:

If you leave your teddy bear on the curb for a year, you can’t be angry with me if I pick it up and give it a good home, and you can’t be angry at the teddy bear for preferring a home to the curb.  People are not possessions and have a choice of where and with whom they spend their time. You chose to discard your toy.  It is no longer yours.  If you are my friend, you want me to be happy, and that includes letting me date single men, even if you used to date them.

Maybe my philosophy is the by-product of attending high school in a small town.  If a boy was off-limits because a friend had dated him, there would have been a lot of girls going to the prom with their brothers.

It seems to me that it is hard enough to find someone you like and can stand being around who feels the same about you.  (The older you get, the more sense that statement makes, so if you are in your 20’s you may not understand.)  It seems the height of foolishness to throw away the chance of a fulfilling relationship because of someone else’s past relationship.  Notice I said “past”.  Anyone in a current relationship is off limits.  I am a big fan of closing one door before you open another.  Strong attractions to someone else while you are in a relationship is a warning sign that your relationship is in trouble.

Take a lesson from Brad & Angelina.  They met and were attracted to one another.  He was married.  She told him that she doesn’t date married men.  He got a divorce.  Makes sense to me.  Should he be irritated if Jennifer dates a friend of his?  No, he should be happy that she has found someone that makes her happy.  If he’s not, he’s a jerk.



2 Responses to “Friends, dating and the pursuit of happiness”

  1. […] You can read the rest of this blog post by going to the original source, here […]

  2. savvyprchick Says:

    I totally agree with you. And I’m loving your blog!

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