I read a lot of blogs about happiness and personal growth, etc.  This video popped up on one called Shapely Prose. If you are (or know someone) who is fat, check this out.  If you are just generally dissatisfied with your body and can’t accept yourself, check it out (and read my book! )

For the record, I have been thin.  I know what it takes to be thin.  I am not interested.  I disagree with the statement “nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”  I am perfectly content with who I am at this place in my life. If my size becomes a barrier to my desired lifestyle, I will do something about it.  In the meantime, I am fat and happy.  I wish the same for all of you.

I talk to lots of people who think that if they could quit their job, if they didn’t have to work, they would be happy.

Well, I’ve got news for you, kids.  There is value in WORK.  WORK is good for us and for our community.

I knew a guy once who didn’t have to work.  He had a trust fund that paid his expenses.  He didn’t live high on the hog (no jetting off to Paris for a spur of the moment weekend) but his monthly bills were paid.  He had a place to live, transportation, and the means to upkeep it all.  He did not work.  Mostly, he sat in front of the computer or game console.

Nirvana?  Not quite.  The problem with not “going to work” is that you miss out on things that make you an interesting person.  You don’t have anecdotes to share and you miss the opportunity to grow as a person because ot the interactions (good and bad) with others.

Instead of envying him his lifestyle, I found myself feeling sorry for him.  And being bored by him.  He never had any new material!

Next time you dream of winning the Lotto and telling the boss to “take this job and shove it,” remember that it’s called work for a reason, and it ain’t all bad.

Read more on this topic.

ANNIE OAKLEY (from Annie Get Your Gun)
Got no diamond, got no pearl,
Still I think I’m a lucky girl.
I’ve got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.
Got no mansion, got no yacht,
Still I’m happy with what I got.
I’ve got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night

Sunshine gives me a lovely day,
Moonlight gives me the Milky Way.
Got no checkbooks, got no banks,
Still, I’d like to express my thanks.
I’ve got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.
And with the sun in the morning
And the moon in the evening
I’m alright.

Got no butler, got no maid.
Still I think I’ve been overpaid,
I’ve got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.
Got no silver, got no gold,
What you’ve got can’t be bought or sold.
I’ve got the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.

Sunshine gives me a lovely day,
Moonlight gives me the Milky Way.
Got no heirlooms for my kin,
Made no will but when I cash in
I’ll leave the sun in the morning
And the moon at night.
And with the sun in the morning
And the moon in the evening
I’m alright

There has been a lot of press lately on The Secret and the Law of Attraction. Whether you believe in such things or not, there is something that I find in all of these philosophies with which anyone would be hard pressed to disagree:

The first step to getting what you want is wanting what you get.

Here is another article from Lifehack:

How to Be Happier with What You Have

“There are two ways to increase your wealth. Increase your means or decrease your wants. The best is to do both at the same time.” - Benjamin Franklin

Misery shouldn’t be the price for ambition. Somewhere I believe many people got the idea that to want more, you have to be dissatisfied with what you have now. Believing this, your choice is either to dampen your passions or become miserable with what you have.

I think this is a false dichotomy. You can be satisfied and ambitious. And while many self-help books have covered the topic of ambition, fewer cover the idea of becoming immensely satisfied with what you’ve already got.

Beyond affirmations and beliefs, I think there are some practical tips to do this. Engineering your daily life can be a great way to maximize your current fulfillment. Best of all, it isn’t incredibly difficult to do. Here are some tips I’ve found useful in becoming happier with where I am:

Read the rest of the article here.

I have an excerpt here from Lifehack.  If you haven’t seen them before, I suggest you add it to your reading list.  Click here to read this particular story (be sure to read all the comments to get the full discussion) and while you are there, click around and read some of the other articles.  I am sure you will find it both educational and interesting.

Exploring Happiness

I know, I know; I’m either stupid or brave to even think about tackling this topic. Alright, we’ll go with stupid.

Before I start today’s chat, let me say that I know there is no ‘answer’ or consensus to this discussion. No sh*t Sherlock. I’m not stupid enough to think there might exist one universal standard or school of thought when it comes to this topic, perhaps just a bunch of different thoughts, ideas and philosophies. Like most of you, I’m still exploring it, which is why I have chosen to make it just that; a discussion, an interactive chat, a group exploration. I’ll open the door on it and you guys can come in and chat. It could get messy, so buckle up. I’d love to know your thoughts and feelings on the subject because it’s an issue which is relevant to every person on the planet. It’s probably the one topic which commands universal interest.

Man, I love it when research proves my existing beliefs!

I have told you all before that while some people are naturally happier than others, everyone has the ability to make adjustments in their thinking and behavior to become happier.  Now here is some research on the topic (by real live scientists; you don’t have to take my word for it!)

A question of nature, not nurture?

Our level of happiness throughout life is strongly influenced by the genes with which we were born, say experts.

An Edinburgh University study of identical and non-identical twins suggests genes may control half the personality traits keeping us happy.

The other half is linked to lifestyle, career and relationships.

However, another expert said despite the research in the journal Psychological Science, we can still train ourselves to be more content.

Read the rest of the article here. 

Imagine a world where countries and cultures as well as individuals could forgive rather than seek revenge.

For so many people, the only thing standing between them and happiness (and in a larger sense, Peace) is the unwillingness (or seeming inability) to forgive.

Forgiveness can seem like the biggest hurdle we have to clear on the road to happiness. For many of us the identity of Victim is all we know. I find it so sad that there are so many people living in pain when they have the power to heal themselves through forgiveness. Read the rest of this entry »

Well, you just can’t please some people. It seems there is a bit of a counter-movement against the pursuit of happiness. My friend Hayden over at Persistent Illusion has written a response. Click over and read it. And if you agree with these miserable sots who think happiness is a waste of time, let me know and then take your grumpy self somewhere else!

For the record, I have been happy and I have been miserable. Happy is better.

Happiness: Enough Already

February 20, 2008 The happiness backlash has begun. “Against Happiness” can now be found in bookstores, while “Rethinking Happiness” is winging its way to one in the next several months.

Written by men who attempted to ‘get with the program’ and get happy, their failure - they believe - is a function of the flawed nature of our existence and not, one might conjecture, their own fault.

Read the rest of the article here.

As we get get older, (with any luck) we get wiser. As the parent of two teenagers, I am constantly trying to give them perspective on the things in their life that seem SO IMPORTANT right now. (It is exhausting!) Perhaps if someone else gives shares the perspective that comes from having lived through some events, they might listen. (Mother is an idiot, after all, and knows nothing.)

Click over to Zen Habits to see the full list of twenty.

Number 15 is my personal favorite (surprise!)

15. Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.

Every once in a while I decide I am boycotting the news because it is all too depressing. I go back, eventually, because as sad as the news may be, I hate to be uninformed. Today I found a website full of Good News! Check it put for a dose of cheer when the real world gets to be too much to handle. And read this heart-warming collection of happy little pet stories to get you started!

Top Ten Pet Stories of 2007

Written by geri

Monday, 31 December 2007

I compiled this list for the Ellen DeGeneres show and suggested they ask their audience to vote (with cheers) for the Top Pet Hero of 2007. Which would you choose? All these stories were featured in our PETS category, under FAMILY LIFE. (right, Oscar the cat senses when nursing home patients will die) 10) Shepherd Rescues Crash Victim by the Collar A stray German Shepherd dragged a bloodied woman up to the highway, and let her lean against him so she could flag a passing motorist, after her car careened down an embankment 50 yards distant. The dog, renamed HERO, was taken to a shelter where numerous people wanted to adopt it. A dog trainer has agreed to see if he has the right stuff for search and rescue work. 9) Dog Saves Owner from the Same Fire Twice An abused stray dog adopted by an Idaho City resident turned out to be twice a hero, saving Candace Jennings a second time from a raging house fire in the middle of the night after Jennings risked her life to go back into the home to get keys belonging to other people. Cat Saves Entire Family From Poisonous Gas A 14-year-old Indiana cat saved a family whose home was filling with deadly — though odorless — carbon monoxide while they slept. In the middle of the night, Winnie the wonder cat jumped up and down wildly, while screeching madly, to spur the family into action. Their son was already unconscious, while the mom through her dizziness reached the phone to dial 911. 7) Dog Saves Woman’s Life With Heimlich Maneuver A woman was in danger of choking to death alone in her Maryland residence when her golden retriever came to the rescue. “Toby suddenly got up on his hind legs, pushed her to the ground and began jumping up and down on her chest. Incredibly, his efforts succeeded.” 6) Firefighters Rally to Save Exhausted Horse From Mud Pit A frightened horse was saved by a team of firefighters in Oregon, who comforted the mare by administering oxygen and using portable lamps to warm the shivering animal. They fashioned a sling and used their manpower to pull the huge animal from the mudhole. 5) Cat Walks 4 Months to Return to Owner A New Zealand cat traveled 93 miles on its own, crossed a river and journeyed for four months to be with her owner after disappearing while on a family holiday last October. “In what was surely an astonishing feat of navigation, Molly (who wore no tags) somehow found her way back to the home in Hamilton she had lived in for only three weeks.” 4) Jessica the Hippo, A Most Unusual Family Pet Although hippos kill more humans than any other mammal in Africa, Jessica the hippopotamus has become part of the family in a South African home, even roaming into the kitchen for a snack. She eats with the family’s dogs before going up river to cavort with a pod of wild hippos. She always returns home to the game warden, who found her washed up after a flood when she was only one day old. (YouTube Video) 3) Cat Senses Final Hours of Elderly Patients I came across a wonderful story about a cat who snuggles up beside citizens of a nursing home four hours before they die. It’s happened so often that nurses now know when to call family members and let them know when their loved ones are near death. (Oscar’s story was written up in the New England Journal of Medicine) 2) Golden Retriever Nurses Stray Kitten Honey, a golden retriever from Virginia, hadn’t given birth in 18 months, but the cries of Precious, an orphaned kitten, made her a mother again. 1) Cat Sniffs Out Cancer in Owners Breast Can cats and dogs predict the onset of serious illness prior to diagnosis? Lynda’s cat began kneading her left breast insistently without stopping. Unbeknownst to the Denver woman, the exact placement of her cat’s affection was a cancerous tumor. Because of the cat, she took a closer look at the area and discovered a lump, and within days had undergone surgery in both breasts. (Since then, Lynda, a cafe owner has designed a new coffee with proceeds going to breast cancer patients in need. It’s called Bald Lady Coffee!)

I spent a few minutes searching the vastness of the internet this morning and I’m not sure why I am surprised at the millions of results found under happiness.

There is research on happiness, books on happiness and there are happiness quizzes (if you took a quiz and the results showed you were more or less happy than you thought, would that change how happy you felt?)

I read an op-ed piece from the NY Times about whether or not the government should have policies to increase the happiness of the citizens. (Yikes! What are the chances they would get that right?)

There is even a band named The Happiness. (I didn’t click through to hear their music. I was concerned that I might not like it and that might make me less happy. )

But I digress. Millions of results on happiness. Either lots of people are searching for it (pun intended) or there are millions of content providers with no customers.

While the latest research I read indicated that some people will always be happier than others, we can each declare our right to the pursuit.

What are some steps you can take today to pursue happiness?

I still believe that happiness is a choice. More specifically, it is a series of choices we make every day.

When faced with a choice, you can ask yourself “will this make me happier?”

Will driving aggressively make me happier?

Will having a clean house make me happier?

Will a delicious dinner make me happier?

Will complaining about something make me happier?

Will cleaning out the garage make me happier?

I have a tendency to be lazy. But I have come to realize that just because something is easy doesn’t mean it will make me happier. And just because something is hard doesn’t mean that it won’t. Crazily enough, sometimes the things that are the most work bring the most reward. (I hear children fall under this category, but I will reserve judgment until mine are independently functioning adults!)

What do you do that is difficult and yet deeply fulfilling?

I find it very interesting that the subject of Happiness has moved out of the esoteric, self-help genre and into the mainstream news.

(Read the Washington Post article.)

Maybe all the recent political focus on the Constitution has reminded us that our Founding Fathers thought that Happiness was so important, they gave us (in our Declaration of Independence) the right to pursue it.

Two hundred years ago the pursuit of happiness was considered important enough to put in this powerful document.  Turns out it is also in the 1947 Constitution of Japan.

So why now is Happiness making the news? Are we feeling less happy than in the past? Are we less busy providing the basics and now can focus on loftier thoughts? Is the mainstream press tired of covering bad news and instead is focusing on subjects like Happiness? Has America gone all hippie/kumbaya?

I’d love to hear what you think.

A couple of years ago a story was made public about a crime that happened a dozen years before.

During the course of his AA program, a man apologized to a woman he had raped in college. The woman took his letter to the police and the man was prosecuted and convicted. In the interview I read (probably in People magazine..the salon favorite!) the woman said that she had been living in pain and depression ever since the incident. While she was married and had a children, there was no joy in her life. She wanted the man to pay for what he had done to her.

You may have strong opinions about this, but as someone who was raped, I believe I have a unique perspective. Read the rest of this entry »

Enjoy this news story: startling video of a lion hugging its rescuer.

Just so I don’t sound like I hated the thing entirely, I will tell you that while I was reading, I did hit upon two tiny little sentences that resonated with me enough to grab my highlighter.  Here they are (quoted directly from Eat Pray Love - by Elizabeth Gilbert):

1. “‘The world is afflicted with death and decay, therefore the wise do not grieve, knowing the terms of the world,’ says an old Buddhist teaching. In other words: Get used to it.”

When I was a child and was victimized by some perceived injustice, I would complain that it “wasn’t fair.” My mother always had the same response. “Life’s not fair. Get used to it.” Perhaps that helped form my personal philosophy of “It is what it is.” Some things just are. They can not be changed. Whining about them does not make them better, nor does it make me happier. Accepting what can not be changed is incredibly helpful in finding peace. The folks in AA use the Serenity Prayer.

2. “This is nature of world. This is destiny. Worry about your own craziness only - make you in peace.”

This is the broken English response of a Balinese medicine man who was asked what could be done about the craziness of the world.

It reminds me of the old southern saying “don’t go around borrowing trouble.” We all have plenty of our own craziness to deal with. There’s no sense trying to solve the world’s craziness. I file that in the same place as “own your shit.” The better you get at separating your issues and events from those of others, the more peace you will find.

No surprise here: I have a dramatic family. This nephew is “dancing.” Try not to get dizzy.

I don’t know what it is about me that has to be contrary. It happened first with the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. Everyone I knew saw it before I did and RAVED about how funny it was. When I finally got to the theatre to see it, my response was much less enthusiastic. It wasn’t a bad movie, I just didn’t get the same excitement that the crowd before me got.

So I have heard all the ruckus about Eat Pray Love. Many of my friends LOVED it. Some even said it changed their lives! I decided to read it also, and while I loved the section on Rome (because I love Rome), I just didn’t get infected with enthusiasm for the book the way my friends had.

In case you haven’t read it, let me give you a very brief synopsis:

Our author goes through a horrible divorce followed closely by a turbulent rebound relationship. In an effort to find herself and God, she takes a year and travels to three exotic locations (Italy, India and Indonesia) to search.

I have no complaints about the quality of the writing, about the way the story progresses, about the character development, or anything like that.

I came away from the book with two stories in mind:

The Wizard of Oz and The Blue Bird of Happiness.

I guess I just don’t understand why you need to search the whole world over to find God, yourself, or happiness.

Travel because you enjoy it, because you want to learn about different cultures, or because you want an adventure.

If you want to find God, yourself, or happiness, perhaps you could start looking in your own backyard.

Shel Silverstein came up in conversation the other day when I discovered he wrote many of Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show’s songs (not to mention the Johnny Cash classic: A Boy Named Sue.)  A surprisingly heated discussion of The Giving Tree ensued.

Upon further research, I find we are not the only ones to debate this book! The Wikipedia article tells of a Giving Tree Symposium and quotes a professor of Religious Studies at Stanford. Check it out and let me know your opinion!

Those of you who know me know that it is not uncommon for me to interject myself in to other people’s conversations in public.  (It makes my husband crazy!)  I was standing in line at the grocery store this week and a 8-10 year-old-child was doing the “buy me” whine.  First of all, whining is my least favorite speech pattern (followed closely by repetition: Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  Mom.  Mom. Mom.)  Secondly, the kid made the mistake of thinking that by saying it “needed” candy that its mother would relent from her previous “no” position (even though the mother had warned: “I am not negotiating on this!”)

I couldn’t keep from saying to the child, “You NEED food, water, shelter and clothing.”

Hey, it takes a village.

This morning I read an unattributed quote: “A wise man is grateful for what others take for granted.” (Two arms, two legs, working organs, a roof over my head…)

In previous posts, I have touched on gratitude and how it is difficult to be happy without it, and how sometimes, I have to practice being grateful for the little things because the big things get too overwhelming. Aren’t you grateful that you are no longer stuck with just my anecdotal observations on why that is? Now I have some real science to back it up. Read the news report below (which I found on The Gratitude Project) then tell me about your own anecdotal evidence of this principle in action!

Positive Psychologists Prove: Gratitude Is the Best Approach to Life

The results of a study on Gratitude (Gratitude and Thankfulness by Robert A. Emmons, University of California, Davis, and Michael E. McCullough, University of Miami) shows that a daily focus on gratitude leads to: Read the rest of this entry »